In this crazy world, I thought some levity was called for. So, I’d like to present the Top 5 Reasons that Cows Should Rule the World:
- Cows can’t hold weapons. They don’t even know what to do with them. Enough said.
- Methane gas would be our biggest world issue. And, there might be laws passed that it’s ok to emit gas anywhere, at any time, making everyone feel greatly relieved. Feeling relieved is so much better than holding gas in which can lead to bloating, foul moods, and bad behavior.
- Bad behavior would be met with a blank stare and chewing the cud. You’d know that the path to transformation is within, not in violent actions. And you would give in to good actions just to make them stop staring at you. So, fart and get on with it.
- Every day, twice a day, you’d get fresh milk. Fresh milk goes great with cookies. Cookies make you happy. Happy people do great things and inspire others to happiness. Imagine the world if every day had a milk and cookie session in it.
- When trying to influence cows to make laws, you’d have to go into a field and have a music competition to get their attention instead of filibustering. Music is much nicer to listen to than bullshitting.
- Every day would involve frolicking in the grass. We’d focus on nature, and the scariest stories in the news would be about how such thin legs can support all the body weight of a cow on your back. And, another benefit would be that cows would inspire us to frolic more, and that would mean we wouldn’t get fat from eating milk and cookies every day.
Got any other reasons why cows should rule the world? Please add them to the list below!